[00:00:00] Stress isn't the problem. We all experience stress. Staying stuck in the stress is where the problem lies. Hi and welcome back to Reflect Forward. I'm your host, Kerry Siggins, and I am so glad you are here today. Today we are talking about something critical. Why stress is contagious. As leaders, we have an outsized impact on the emotional climate around us, and it's our responsibility to manage that energy
[00:00:25] with intention because stress is absolutely contagious. If we are stressed, our teams are going to be stressed. Whenever I'm feeling a little bit amplified, I see my team become amplified. Whenever I see myself go take a deep breath and calm myself down, I see my team calm down. In fact, that's why we start all of our executive management meetings with three deep breaths. It is amazing how that can just take people who are operating at a million miles an hour, jumping from meeting to
[00:00:55] meeting and really help ground them and calm them. That way we can have a much more productive, intentional, and present meeting. I didn't always used to be this way. I absolutely led with my stress, my passion, and it made my team feel really amped up. When I decided that I was going to not sweat the small stuff or really even the big stuff and show up in this cool, calm, and collected manner,
[00:01:20] it made such a difference with my team. Now, no matter how stressful things get, I have the ability to keep myself calm, to manage my emotions so that I can lead us through it effectively because let's face it, freaking out never makes anything better. Never. And we as leaders need to recognize when we are feeling amped up and we need to do things to be able to get our stress into check so that we can
[00:01:45] really lead our teams well. When we lead ourselves with calm, ownership, thinking, and keeping things in perspective, we motivate and inspire our teams to do the same thing. And it's so much easier to get through things in life when you are not feeling super stressed out. So let's talk a little bit about why stress is contagious. There's science behind this. And the first aspect that I want to dive into
[00:02:09] is about mirror neurons. We are hardwired for emotional sync. So what are mirror neurons? They are brain cells that activate when we either perform an action or when we observe someone else performing an action. And this comes from a professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at UCLA. And he did a big study on how we are constantly mirroring people. So when somebody is feeling stressed,
[00:02:35] we feel stressed. When someone is gripping tightly, we tend to grip tightly. Our brains naturally mirror the emotions, body language, and tone of those around us. As a leader, your stress, anxiety, fear can subconsciously transfer to your team without a word even being spoken. They are literally mirroring what you do. You do not have to say a thing. Your presence alone sets the emotional tone for the room.
[00:03:02] This is really powerful. It's why you need to understand your body language and how you are showing up. This recently just happened to me. I was on a Teams meeting and I got a piece of difficult information via a text message. And I looked at the message, which I shouldn't do. I should just be paying attention to what's going on in that meeting. But this was something urgent. And my facial expression changed, not because of what was happening in the meeting, but because of what I read on the
[00:03:29] text dealing with another employee issue. And one of my executive team members who was on the Teams meeting came up to me afterward and said, are you okay? Like I could just see by the look on your face that you weren't happy with the decisions that we were making. And I was like, oh no, it wasn't at all about that. I just got a text about a different issue that I was dealing with HR. And that made me realize like I set the tone. I probably just stressed out everybody on that Teams meeting thinking that I
[00:03:57] was upset about something that was going on in that meeting rather than just saying, hey, you guys, I got to take a quick pause. I need to check this text message. I'll be back on and take myself off camera. My facial expressions showed everything. And as you can probably tell, I don't have much of a poker face. That is just such an example of how my team is going to mirror me. And I stress them out because I looked at this text message and I got a look on my face and that translated to, oh, what are we
[00:04:24] doing wrong? Our body language is sharing so much more information. In fact, it's like 60 some percent of communication comes from body language, not the actual words that we speak. I don't know the exact percentage, but I know that it's a lot. The second thing is that emotions are contagious and stress spreads like a virus. So what is an emotional contagion? It's a phenomenon where people catch emotions
[00:04:49] from others through unconscious processness like facial mimicry or emotional resonance. So this is similar to mirroring, but not exactly the same. This came from a 2014 study in psychological science that found individuals who merely observed someone experiencing stress, such as seeing signs of anxiety or frustration, they exhibited stress responses themselves like elevated cortisol, which is the
[00:05:14] stress hormone. I definitely have experienced this in my life. I have some very high stress people in my life. And even though I'm not stressed out, I'm not dealing with anything that is going on in their lives. But they're telling me something and I'm just observing their stress and anxiety and I walk away feeling more anxious too. That is how it is a contagion. As a leader, if you walk into a meeting visibly tense, your jaws clenched, your shoulders
[00:05:42] are tight, you have short responses, your team is going to feel that tension. And they might even start to exhibit some of the same physiological signs of stress without fully ever realizing why. Why all of a sudden am I stressed? I am not feeling stressed about something. Ah, it's contagious. The person sitting next to me is feeling stress and anxiety. So if you are a leader, it's really important to remember people are
[00:06:06] mirroring you. And they can just feel your stressful energy. And that makes them feel that stress as well. And then as leaders, we're constantly sending common stress signals all the time, maybe intentionally, but most likely unintentionally, we might have a tight clipped voice that indicates fight or fight mode is triggered, we might be rushed
[00:06:30] or have impatient pacing in our communication. And that triggers urgency and anxiety and others, we may not make eye contact, which signals withdrawal or fear or distrust, we might be hyper reactive, like for example, where we snap at small mistakes, and that creates a fear based environment. Or we might use that constant urgency language like this is critical, or we're behind, or this has to be done now, which elevates cortisol
[00:06:56] levels across the team. So when these things happen, teams experience stress. And when we experience stress, the amygdala, the part of our brain that is the alarm center, hijacks rational thinking. When this happens, we operate from a survival state. And without even realizing it, our bodies and our words communicate that urgency and fear to others. It's important for you to understand that your nervous system speaks louder than your words ever will. I know,
[00:07:26] crazy, right? Our nervous system, that is, what is happening all around us, the energy that we're putting out the body language that we're sending, speaks louder than your words ever will. Really important. All right, so why is it important that you manage your stress? It should be a given nobody operates better under stress. But this is really important for us to be more thoughtful and intentional about how we are showing up. Because leaders set the emotional thermostat for the team. We set the tone.
[00:07:56] If we're stressed, our team is going to be stressed. If we're like, hey, we've got this, we're going to come up with a plan, we're going to execute, everything is going to be fine. Our teams take a collective sigh of relief as well. When leaders are chronically stressed, it creates a fearful, defensive culture. It creates a loss of creativity because psychological safety evaporates. Nobody wants to take a risk because the leader might blow up, it might cause more stress. And it also increases burnout, which
[00:08:24] when people are feeling burned out, they don't come to work, which creates more absenteeism, and ultimately leads to more turnover because nobody wants to work in a high stress situation with a boss who does not manage their stress. And then finally, leaders must really think about managing their stress because it is the foundation of self-leadership. Self-leadership is how you lead yourself. And
[00:08:50] you're doing this every day, whether you're doing it consciously or unconsciously, whether you're doing it well or doing it poorly, you are a self-leader every single day. And you cannot outsource self-management. You have to own the energy that you bring. This is the foundation of my book, The Ownership Mindset, is this idea that you've got to lead yourself well before you can lead others well. So what are some
[00:09:16] tips to manage stress effectively? Here are six things that I practice myself and that I work with my team on too. The first one is practice conscious self-awareness. You have got to understand yourself. You need to ask yourself, what energy am I bringing today? Where am I feeling stress in my life? Why am I feeling stress about this? Dig in and understand that. Tune into your body and your
[00:09:42] emotions before you engage with the team. If you're feeling high stress, have the self-awareness to say, I need to get myself into a better spot so that I don't amp my team up. Self-awareness is key. Dig into your stressors, why you're feeling stressed, what type of energy you're showing up with, so that you can be a great self-leader and people leader. The second thing is to breathe before you speak. Just like I mentioned earlier, I have my team take three deep breaths before we start
[00:10:11] any meeting. It is amazing how that regulates the nervous system. If you are feeling stressed, take three deep breaths. It makes you feel so much better. Just take one right now and see what happens. It causes a shift, a positive shift. It shifts you from being reactive to being so much more thoughtful, and that is what our people want from us. Thoughtful leadership, not reactive leadership.
[00:10:40] Number three, normalize stress, don't amplify it. The reality is that stress happens everywhere in our daily lives, whether we are a leader or not. And instead of pretending it doesn't happen or amplifying it, we need to speak to those challenges honestly, but we need to be grounded in how we talk about it. So if you are feeling stressed, you can say, yes, this is very challenging. I am feeling
[00:11:06] challenged right now as a leader. And yes, we can handle it. And here's how I'm going to help us get through this. That normalizes it to say it's okay. Everybody feels stress from time to time. And this situation is stressful. We're not going to amplify it. We are going to work together and get through it together. That is what your team needs to hear. They don't need to hear you going, oh my God, this is so stressful. And you do this and you do that. And this needs to happen right now. That is
[00:11:33] not going to help anything. A lot of leaders just want to retreat from stress and pretend like it doesn't exist. That doesn't help things either. Your team needs you to lead. Normalize stress. It's okay. This is stressful. We're going to get through it. That's what people need to hear from you. Number four, create personal stress recovery rituals. This is so important. A ritual sounds like, oh, like, you know, woo woo. It's not. Morning exercise, for example, it is my ritual. I get up
[00:12:01] every morning and I work out because that is how I manage my stress. It is a discipline. It is a practice. Do the same. How are you creating discipline structure, a ritual in your life that inspires you to move your body? It is so important to manage stress through movement. Try journaling. I journal every single day too. It is part of my discipline, my routine, my ritual. Every night I write down what went well, what didn't go well, what I want to do differently tomorrow. And most
[00:12:30] importantly, what I'm grateful for. Expressing gratitude absolutely helps you reduce stress. Go on walks without your phone. It is amazing what a walk can do. It's part of that exercise routine, but it's not really exercise. Like my walks are different than my exercise routine. My walks are about in getting out and feeling the sunshine on my face and to relax, to release, to clear my mind a little bit. I highly recommend doing it without your phone. I take walks silently now.
[00:13:00] I used to always have a podcast in or music in, and I've really learned to appreciate the power of silence. I even drive in my car now without music on, and it is so nice just to be in the quiet. It is absolutely part of helping you manage your stress. It will absolutely help you manage your stress better when you are quiet. Meditate, do breath work. There's all different kinds of things that you
[00:13:25] can create a ritual around, a practice around, a routine around that helps you manage stress and helps you take care of yourself. Stress isn't the problem. We all experience stress. Staying stuck in the stress is where the problem lies. That's why you need these rituals to help you get unstuck. Number five, lean into the ownership mindset. So often we want to fall into victim thinking.
[00:13:52] This is happening to me, but that is not empowered thinking. The ownership mindset is all about owning what is going on in your life. Things don't happen to me. They happen because of me, or they happen through me. There is a lesson to be learned even in this stressful situation. So shift from this is happening to me to I can own this next step. I can take action. I can learn from this. The power lies
[00:14:20] in what you can control. Your response, your presence, your mindset. Those are the things that you can control. There's all kinds of things that you can't control in life. Like right now we're dealing with tariffs and I have zero control over that, but I can control my response. I can control my presence. I can control my mindset and that helps me manage my stress. And then finally, number six, don't sweat the small stuff or even the big stuff. And I know that this might sound condescending,
[00:14:49] but it is so important to keep perspective. What feels like a massive problem today probably won't matter in a year from now. Sheesh, even in a month. Like I think about COVID and going through that and how incredibly stressful it was. And I look back on it now and I'm like, I can get through that again. It's how I'm handling all of the craziness in the world right now. It's like, you know what? I made it through COVID. I can make it through this. Keep perspective. What you are going through right now
[00:15:16] will pass. It absolutely will. It is a moment in time and nothing, nothing is ever permanent. So don't sweat the small stuff and really even the big stuff. Come up with a plan to get through it. Own your energy. Have a good mindset about it. Learn what you can from the lesson. Lead with a cool, calm, and collected attitude and you will get through it. Ask yourself this question. With what is going on
[00:15:42] right now, will this matter five years from now? And the answer is it probably won't. So there's zero point in stressing yourself and stressing your team out so that it negatively impacts your relationships, your connections, and your health. Take a deep breath. You can get through it. Leaders who keep calm during chaos create teams who trust in their stability. Perspective is power. Do not give yours away to stress. So what happens
[00:16:09] if we leave our stress unchecked as leaders? Well, teams become reactive, fearful, and transactional. Not a recipe for the ownership mindset. Innovation dies. Nobody feels like taking a creative risk when everybody is stressed and they feel like, oh my gosh, my leader's going to freak out if something goes wrong. Why innovate? Credibility erodes over time. When you are a leader who is always stressed, people do not want to follow
[00:16:36] you. People are going to question why you are in a leadership position because leaders need to be able to handle stress and have good routines, rituals, self-care practices to help them manage that stress. And ultimately, you create what you fear. Instability, turnover, and underperformance. It is a self-fulfilling prophecy. The things that we worry about, we create when we constantly sit there and worry about it.
[00:17:02] Those are the ramifications of you leaving your stress unchecked. And those are all really important things. Remember, self-leadership is a non-negotiable. Own your energy. Own your impact. Own your leadership. Manage your stress. So my challenge to you are to do these three things. One, conduct an energy audit this week. How are you feeling? Where do you feel it in your body? Why are you feeling this way?
[00:17:28] Write it down. Understand where your energy is coming from, where it's going to, where you feel it in your body, and why you think you're feeling it. It will help you understand yourself better. Remember, self-awareness is the foundation for everything. In the ownership mindset and being a leader, you've got to understand yourself. Then number two, pick one new stress management tool to implement immediately. Whether it's the three deep breaths or going for that morning walk before you start your day,
[00:17:55] going for a walk at lunch, sitting down and doing five minutes of meditation during a break. Just pick one. It will help you start to create that habit and you'll see your stress levels reduce. And then finally, number three, lead with resilience, not reaction. Before you react, pause and take those three deep breaths and say what is really needed right now. And I can promise you it's not freaking out. It's not reacting. It's being a cool, calm, and collected leader,
[00:18:23] showing up with presence, grace, and vulnerability. Things can be hard and you can say it's hard. But you also can say, we're going to get through this together as a team and you lead that. Remember, calm is contagious and so is chaos. Choose what you want to spread. So the key takeaways from today are one, check your emotional temperature daily. How do you feel? Where is it coming from? Number two,
[00:18:50] breathe and pause before reacting. Breath changes everything. Number three, speak resilience into challenges. Yes, this is hard. And here's how we're going to get through this and we're going to do it together. It inspires confidence. Number four, prioritize daily stress recovery habits. Go home every night, sit in your hot tub, take your dog for a walk, meditate, have a few moments of silence, drive in your car with no music, no talking on the phone. Get yourself into that calmer space every
[00:19:19] single day at the end of your day. Number five, adopt the ownership mindset. Things don't happen to me. They happen because of me and through me and I can own my actions, my mindset, and my responses in this. How am I going to show up with the ownership mindset? And then number six, keep long-term perspective. Do not sweat today's storms. I promise you that tomorrow they will look different.
[00:19:45] With that, I leave you for your day. Thank you for tuning in to Reflect Forward. If you think that this episode could help somebody who is feeling a lot of stress as a leader, please share it with them. And if you'd like this overall episode, please write a review, click on subscribe on YouTube or on your favorite podcast platform. It helps with the algorithms and gets more visibility with this podcast. And I so appreciate it. Thank you so much. I hope you have a fantastic day and we'll see you next week. Take care.