Owning Your Triggers

[00:00:10] Hi and welcome back to Reflect Forward. I'm your host, Kerry Siggins, and I am so glad you are here today.

[00:00:15] Today I want to talk about triggers, those things that rile us up, make us defensive, cause us to complain about a certain situation, or gossip about others.

[00:00:25] So what exactly is a trigger? A trigger is something that is inside of us.

[00:00:29] And when we get triggered, it elicits a reaction that could be disproportionate to the actual event.

[00:00:36] Whether it's a word, it's an action, or a situation that makes us mad, that causes us to get defensive, causes us to blame somebody else and not look within.

[00:00:46] They can derail our focus, they can cloud our judgment, and if left unaddressed, they can impact relationships and productivity.

[00:00:54] While it's a natural thing to experience emotional triggers, it's really important that we understand and own them so that we can evolve as a leader.

[00:01:02] This practice of owning our own triggers promotes personal growth and it plays a vital role in embodying what I call the ownership mindset.

[00:01:10] The ability to take responsibility for your own actions, thoughts, emotions, and effort, especially in moments of challenge.

[00:01:18] I've been working really hard to own my triggers.

[00:01:21] I had a very good friend of mine who is a spiritual guru,

[00:01:26] and I was having a conversation with her about a challenging issue going on in my life,

[00:01:31] and I was complaining about another person.

[00:01:35] And she said,

[00:01:35] Is this really about this other person or is this about you?

[00:01:39] Because it sounds to me like you're being triggered,

[00:01:42] and you need to own your triggers.

[00:01:44] If you want to break free from these feelings that you have,

[00:01:48] you have to recognize that when you get triggered,

[00:01:50] it's something that's going on inside of you.

[00:01:53] And I thought really long and hard about this.

[00:01:54] I do get triggered.

[00:01:56] I have a very real and visceral trigger that has to do with feeling stupid.

[00:02:02] So if I perceive somebody to be condescending or thinking that I am not intelligent

[00:02:08] or I'm not smart enough to understand what they're saying, I get triggered.

[00:02:11] And this stems from the way that my dad treated me when I was a little girl

[00:02:15] because he would always treat me like I was stupid.

[00:02:18] He would even say things like that, like, you know, you're so stupid.

[00:02:20] And in the moment, it's hard to make that correlation to that little girl,

[00:02:24] that eight-year-old girl and how I felt when I was told that I wasn't very smart

[00:02:28] to what's happening right now in this moment when somebody is talking to me

[00:02:32] in a way that I perceive is to be condescending.

[00:02:34] And it was a really powerful thing because I have to own that trigger.

[00:02:38] The situation that I was discussing, like,

[00:02:40] I know that the person doesn't think that I'm stupid.

[00:02:43] In fact, I know that this person thinks that I'm really incredibly smart

[00:02:45] and has a lot of admiration and respect for me.

[00:02:49] And that the way that they were talking was really more about them.

[00:02:52] But I got defensive because of this trigger.

[00:02:54] And so I went on this journey to figure out how to be able to own that trigger,

[00:02:59] to heal that trauma as a little girl being told I was stupid and let it go

[00:03:04] so that I don't let it impact my relationships,

[00:03:07] that I don't let it cloud my judgment

[00:03:09] or make me show up in a way that I don't want to show up.

[00:03:12] I don't want to be defensive.

[00:03:13] I don't want to be triggered.

[00:03:14] I want to be able to listen and engage in a difficult conversation

[00:03:18] rather than going into protect and defend mode

[00:03:20] because I feel like someone's being condescending.

[00:03:22] So this is something that I have been practicing for quite a little while now.

[00:03:26] And it has changed my life.

[00:03:29] Owning my triggers has allowed me to really stay cool, calm, and collected

[00:03:32] in challenging conversations.

[00:03:34] And let's face it, as a leader, we are always having challenging conversations

[00:03:37] and we're getting feedback.

[00:03:39] And when things don't always go well, you can react poorly.

[00:03:42] And it's important that we don't.

[00:03:43] We need to show up with consistency.

[00:03:46] We need to show up with poise, with grace, with savvy.

[00:03:49] And if we are allowing ourselves to be triggered, then we might not show up that way.

[00:03:55] And it's just so empowering.

[00:03:57] It's just self-empowering to say, hey, I own this.

[00:03:59] This is my trigger.

[00:04:00] This is not somebody else's issue.

[00:04:01] And I am going to hold myself accountable for working through it in a way that allows me to let go and effectively stay in dialogue in a conversation.

[00:04:12] Or let go of something that I might be spinning on because I can recognize that I'm being triggered by something that has actually nothing to do with the situation in the moment.

[00:04:22] So this is a really powerful tool.

[00:04:24] Owning your triggers and being able to let them go and heal them so that you can show up in the way that you want to and not feel so icky inside.

[00:04:33] It doesn't feel good to be triggered.

[00:04:35] So that's what I want to talk about today in Reflect Forward is how to own your triggers and why it's a key to embracing the ownership mindset.

[00:04:43] So let's dive into why it's so important for you to understand your triggers.

[00:04:48] First, triggers are informative, not just mere inconveniences.

[00:04:52] Your triggers are highly valuable insight into your internal world.

[00:04:57] And we need to understand ourselves internally.

[00:04:59] We need to have that self-awareness.

[00:05:01] When you're feeling triggered, it's often a signal of an unresolved past experience or a deeply held belief that may need attention.

[00:05:08] When you ignore these triggers or blame external factors, it only masks the root cause.

[00:05:14] It doesn't allow you to really dig into what is going on.

[00:05:17] Why am I being triggered?

[00:05:18] So understanding your triggers allows you to connect with those underlying reasons for your reactions, giving you the power to address them head on.

[00:05:25] Just like I was explaining to my example, I know where this trigger comes from of feeling stupid, and that means that I can own it in the moment.

[00:05:34] Number two, they impact your leadership.

[00:05:37] Effective leaders possess emotional intelligence, something that's really important.

[00:05:40] And managing triggers is a cornerstone to being emotionally intelligent.

[00:05:45] If you react impulsively when triggered, it affects how other people perceive your ability to lead calmly and rationally.

[00:05:52] And we all want to be seen as cool, calm, and collected leaders, right?

[00:05:55] By owning your triggers, you gain emotional self-regulation.

[00:05:58] Emotional self-regulation is imperative to lead with confidence, with poise, and clarity.

[00:06:03] And when you lead with confidence, poise, and clarity, you build trust with your team, and you make more grounded decisions, and you show up as an empathetic leader.

[00:06:12] All really important things.

[00:06:13] And then finally, number three, triggers can sabotage your progress.

[00:06:17] And that is not something that we want.

[00:06:19] Unchecked triggers can manifest in recurring patterns that limit your growth.

[00:06:22] When you find yourself stuck, it's typically because you have a trigger that you have not addressed.

[00:06:28] Whether this is avoiding difficult conversations or reacting defensively to feedback, failing to address your triggers can prevent you from advancing personally and professionally.

[00:06:38] And that's what we all want as highly effective leaders, is to advance our career, to advance our leadership, to really inspire others.

[00:06:45] So by bringing awareness into these moments and taking ownership of your triggers, you can unlock that potential to grow and move beyond those difficult responses that don't actually serve you or the situation very well.

[00:06:58] Okay, so now let's dive into how owning your triggers is part of the ownership mindset.

[00:07:03] The ownership mindset revolves around personal responsibility.

[00:07:06] It's about holding yourself accountable to your thoughts, your behaviors, and your impact on others.

[00:07:11] When it comes to emotional triggers, adopting this mindset means recognizing that your reactions are within your control, even if the circumstances are not.

[00:07:20] Instead of deflecting blame on others or external situations, you acknowledge that you have the power to change, and it starts with you.

[00:07:28] So here's how you start.

[00:07:30] Number one, you identify your triggers.

[00:07:31] The first step to owning your triggers is awareness.

[00:07:34] Pay attention to the situations where you feel an emotional reaction that seems disproportionate.

[00:07:39] Is it a certain tone of voice?

[00:07:40] Is it a challenging question in a meeting, a critical comment by a colleague?

[00:07:45] Identifying these patterns and situations will help you understand what sets off the reaction.

[00:07:50] Number two, examine the source.

[00:07:53] Once you've identified your trigger, dig deeply into why they provoked such a strong emotion.

[00:07:59] Often triggers are tied to unresolved experiences, fears, or insecurities.

[00:08:03] For example, if critical feedback always puts you on the defensive, it may stem from a fear of inadequacy.

[00:08:08] By exploring the sources of these reactions, like where that inadequacy feeling comes from, you gain the clarity to be able to address them and let them go so that you say, hey, feedback is good.

[00:08:19] And it does not mean that I'm inadequate.

[00:08:21] It just means that I have an opportunity to grow, and that's a good thing.

[00:08:24] Number three, pause and reflect.

[00:08:26] When you feel triggered, practice pausing before reacting.

[00:08:29] When you take this moment of reflection, it allows you to choose to respond rather than letting that specific emotion dictate your behavior.

[00:08:36] Again, emotional self-regulation.

[00:08:39] It's in these moments where the ownership mindset comes into play.

[00:08:42] Ask yourself, what story am I telling myself about this situation?

[00:08:45] Is this an accurate reflection of reality, or am I reacting from a place of fear or insecurity?

[00:08:50] This pause creates space for a more thoughtful and measured response, which is really important as leaders.

[00:08:58] Number four, reframe the situation.

[00:09:00] Adapting the ownership mindset means reframing how you perceive these triggering situations.

[00:09:05] So instead of seeing them as personal attacks, view them as opportunities for growth.

[00:09:08] Ask yourself, what can I learn from this situation?

[00:09:10] Or how can I respond in a way that aligns with my values and goals as a leader?

[00:09:14] Or how do I respond in a cool, calm, and collected way?

[00:09:18] This shift in perspective is crucial for owning your own emotional reactions and allowing yourself to not be triggered.

[00:09:24] Number five, take action.

[00:09:25] It's really important to take action based on your reflections.

[00:09:28] If you have identified a specific trigger and an underlying cause, what steps can you take to address them?

[00:09:33] This could mean developing a practice of self-awareness, understanding where this trigger is coming from so you can do something about it,

[00:09:39] seeking feedback from a trusted colleague,

[00:09:41] or engaging in mindfulness exercises that help you stay grounded during stressful moments.

[00:09:46] You know I'm a huge believer in three deep breaths while you feel your feet on the ground.

[00:09:49] That is taking action in those moments.

[00:09:52] Owning your triggers does not mean suppressing them.

[00:09:54] It means taking proactive steps to understand them and manage them.

[00:09:58] And then finally, you've got to let them go.

[00:10:00] Once you have identified and examined and reframed your triggers, the ultimate goal is to let them go.

[00:10:07] Attachment is the root of all suffering.

[00:10:09] Holding on to emotional baggage from past experiences or old stories that no longer serve you can weigh you down and stunt your personal and professional growth.

[00:10:17] Releasing these triggers is a process of freeing yourself from those narratives that cause you pain or limit your potential.

[00:10:24] In some cases, letting them go may be working with a coach, a therapist, or a trusted mentor, a spiritual guide, somebody who can help you through this journey.

[00:10:32] These professionals offer that outside perspective and have the tools to help you navigate those deep-rooted emotional responses that can be difficult to understand or even handle on your own.

[00:10:42] By seeking support, you give yourself the permission to heal these triggers and move beyond them in a constructive and empowering way.

[00:10:50] I work with a coach.

[00:10:51] I work with all kinds of people who really help me grow and expand.

[00:10:56] And I find it incredibly beneficial in my process of letting these things go.

[00:11:01] There is a ripple effect of owning your triggers.

[00:11:04] When you take ownership of your triggers, the impact extends beyond your own personal growth.

[00:11:09] You can create this ripple effect that influences those around you.

[00:11:12] As a leader, your ability to handle stress, manage your emotions, and respond thoughtfully under pressure sets a powerful example for your team.

[00:11:21] In turn, this fosters a culture of accountability and emotional intelligence and trust.

[00:11:26] In conclusion, understanding and owning your triggers is a vital aspect of cultivating the ownership mindset, which is the most powerful mindset that we can embody.

[00:11:35] When you embrace these practices that I've listed above, you take responsibility for your own emotional responses, and you create that space that you need to grow and strengthen your leadership.

[00:11:45] Owning your triggers doesn't just benefit you.

[00:11:47] It empowers everyone around you, and it sets the foundation for a thriving, resilient team, culture, and workplace.

[00:11:53] I have learned that by committing to this journey of self-awareness and emotional ownership, you align more closely with the values of integrity and responsibility and intentional leadership, which define the ownership mindset.

[00:12:07] Hopefully that was motivating for you to dig into those triggers and start to work on them.

[00:12:12] I can promise you it's so empowering when you can say, this is mine.

[00:12:15] I own this.

[00:12:16] This is mine.

[00:12:17] And I am not going to let it control my life.

[00:12:20] All right.

[00:12:20] With that, I will leave you to your week.

[00:12:21] I hope you have a fantastic one.

[00:12:23] I look forward to hosting you next week on Reflect Forward.

[00:12:26] And if you like this podcast, please write a review, share it with a friend, subscribe to it on YouTube or on your favorite podcast platform.

[00:12:33] It helps with the algorithms, and I really appreciate it.

[00:12:35] Thanks.

[00:12:35] Have a great day.