[00:00:10] [SPEAKER_00]: Hi everyone and welcome back to Reflect Forward. I'm your host, Kerry Siggins and I'm so glad you are here today.
[00:00:16] [SPEAKER_00]: In the pursuit of professional and personal goals, many of us fall into the trap of constantly measuring ourselves against this idealized version of who we want to be
[00:00:26] [SPEAKER_00]: and the things that we want to achieve in life. And when we do this, it can lead to feelings of inadequacy, frustration, burnout.
[00:00:34] [SPEAKER_00]: I know this feeling well because I used to always measure myself against those goals I had, against the version of myself that I wanted to be.
[00:00:45] [SPEAKER_00]: And in those darkest moments in my life when I was really struggling and comparing myself to the potential I had, it just felt awful. It was a really dark place to be and it was so frustrating because if also far away it felt unattainable.
[00:01:01] [SPEAKER_00]: And over time I started to change my mindset. I started to not be so hard on myself about not achieving all of the things that I set out to achieve is fast as I wanted to achieve them because let's face it, like we have to learn we have to grow and a lot of times things don't move as fast as we would like.
[00:01:16] [SPEAKER_00]: And I started to let go of some of that pressure that I put on myself. And a few years back I was talking to a mentor about all of the things that I wanted to achieve and how far I still had to go.
[00:01:30] [SPEAKER_00]: And he said success isn't only built on how far you go but instead it's built on how far you've come and I really appreciated that because I had come a long way.
[00:01:40] [SPEAKER_00]: And in 2006 my life was a complete shit show sorry for the language but it was just such a mess and I was struggling with addiction self esteem hating my life and where I was.
[00:01:53] [SPEAKER_00]: And here I had built all this success but I wasn't giving myself credit for how far I'd come and so I thought that's a much better way to look at it.
[00:02:01] [SPEAKER_00]: But I've never really put a lot of time into thinking about what a valuable mindset this is really thinking about how far you've come versus how far you have to go.
[00:02:10] [SPEAKER_00]: And it kind of goes against all of the things that I was taught about set these goals set behags breaks them down and really work towards them and always be thinking about where you're going instead of appreciating how far you come.
[00:02:24] [SPEAKER_00]: Until I stumbled across a book by Dr. Benjamin Hardy and the strategic coach Dan Sullivan who is rolled around for his coaching process called the gap in the game the high achievers guy to happiness confidence and success when I saw this book I thought, oh I have to read it because I am a high achiever and happiness confidence and success are all really important to me I better dig this in.
[00:02:45] [SPEAKER_00]: And I was so excited to explore this concept further because in the book they really crystallized the advice that I was given all those years ago by my mentor and I embracing it further I've made a powerful shift that has allowed me to feel more joy in my achievements to feel more contentment which are things that.
[00:03:03] [SPEAKER_00]: I quite honestly struggle with because being a high achiever you're always looking at how far yet you have to go and it's help me to continue to look at the shortfalls and maybe even my failures as learning opportunities because let's face it.
[00:03:16] [SPEAKER_00]: That's what we're here to do is to grow and learn and you grow and learn by screwing things up.
[00:03:20] [SPEAKER_00]: So I wanted to share this with you in detail because I think it can help you positively shift how you view your progress and success and maybe allow you to not put so much pressure on yourself to achieve this idealized version that you have while not appreciating really just how far you've come.
[00:03:42] [SPEAKER_00]: Alright, so let's dive into it. The gap refers to the psychological space where we compare our current selves achievements and circumstances to this idealized version of where we think that we want to be.
[00:03:52] [SPEAKER_00]: And this idealized version can sometimes be based on unrealistic expectations. We set out way too big of goals although I'm a believer in ten X and everything that you do but sometimes we set goals that feel unrealistic and we get demoralized when we're not moving fast enough to achieve them.
[00:04:09] [SPEAKER_00]: So sometimes it makes sense to break those goals down into smaller bite size chunks or to set something that's more realistic so that we aren't beating ourselves up when we don't move as fast as we think that we need to go.
[00:04:21] [SPEAKER_00]: A lot of times those ideals are based on external influences such as societal standards you need to be this way comparison is such the root of suffering and we all do it.
[00:04:32] [SPEAKER_00]: We compare ourselves to people who we think are more successful and think that we need to be like them or that idealized version of ourselves is based on perfectionist tendencies.
[00:04:42] [SPEAKER_00]: I am fortunate that I do not have perfectionist tendencies. I am okay with not being perfect and not doing things perfect but a lot of us have that within us and it can be very frustrating to move forward when we think that we have to do something perfectly or that we have to do perfect work.
[00:04:59] [SPEAKER_00]: It causes us to feel demotivated or to not even try because we don't think that we can be perfect at it. So that's where the gap really can come in and bite us it means that you're focusing on the distance between where we are now and where we want to be and that leads to dissatisfaction anxiety self criticism negative self talk all those things that diminish the quality of life.
[00:05:21] [SPEAKER_00]: So I wanted to share a couple of examples of living in the gap so let's say you want to lose 20 pounds you lose 10 but you only focus on the remaining 10 you have to go when you do that you are in the gap.
[00:05:34] [SPEAKER_00]: So despite making significant progress losing 10 pounds your attention is fixed on what you still have left to accomplish and that leads to frustration and a sense of failure and maybe you even just give up on your weight loss goals.
[00:05:46] [SPEAKER_00]: So that's kind of a personal achievement example so it's take a leadership example let's say that you are a leader who sets the goal to improve team morale and increase employee engagement scores within your organization by 20% within a year after six months you have improved scores but only by 10%.
[00:06:04] [SPEAKER_00]: Like that's not that bad but you're still dissatisfied because you haven't reached that full 20% because you're living in the gap you might feel frustrated focusing on the gap between the current results and your ultimate goal.
[00:06:16] [SPEAKER_00]: And I might discourage you from moving forward or give you a sense that you're not doing enough even though you and your team have made significant strides.
[00:06:23] [SPEAKER_00]: So that's what living in the gap is sound familiar does to me because I have definitely lived in those spaces often.
[00:06:31] [SPEAKER_00]: So now let's dive into the game and contrast the game mindset measures are progress based on where we started rather than where we have yet to reach living in the game mindset means that we acknowledge and celebrate those improvements no matter how small they are.
[00:06:47] [SPEAKER_00]: This shift allows us to focus on what's been achieved fostering a sense of satisfaction motivation and gratitude.
[00:06:55] [SPEAKER_00]: This is a much better place to be so let's look at these same two examples weight loss personal achievement that you're trying to achieve if you focus on the fact that you lost 10 pounds appreciating your efforts and the discipline that way into it.
[00:07:08] [SPEAKER_00]: You are now living in the game and this perspective will boost your morale and increases the likelihood that you're going to continue on your program to lose the next 10 pounds.
[00:07:18] [SPEAKER_00]: So celebrating those wins going dang I've done it.
[00:07:21] [SPEAKER_00]: I did this first 10 I can do the next 10 that's living in the game returning to the leadership example where you want to improve morale and engagement on your team.
[00:07:31] [SPEAKER_00]: You are living in the game if you focus on the 10% improvement that you've achieved so far when you recognize the positive changes that have already incurred better communication higher team participation successful implementation of your new initiatives and ideas.
[00:07:47] [SPEAKER_00]: You can see how much more of a positive mindset this is and it allows you to really appreciate the progress that you've made it can boost your confidence and encourages you in the team to keep moving forward.
[00:07:59] [SPEAKER_00]: And this kind of mindset will ripple through your entire team if you focus on how far you have to go and are dissatisfied with the results then your team is going to feel that same way too and also lose motivation.
[00:08:12] [SPEAKER_00]: But if you say hey look at how far we've come this is great work let's build upon it then you're setting the tone for your team to see the positive in the gains that are made and motivate them to keep working towards that goal.
[00:08:25] [SPEAKER_00]: So this is a really important concept to understand and so incredibly powerful if you choose to embrace it.
[00:08:33] [SPEAKER_00]: So how do you get out of the gap and start living in the game?
[00:08:36] [SPEAKER_00]: Well the first thing in all problems is to recognize that you have a problem.
[00:08:40] [SPEAKER_00]: You need to recognize that you have a gap mindset and that takes awareness.
[00:08:45] [SPEAKER_00]: Start by noticing when you're in that gap mindset are you feeling like you're lacking something or you frustrated because you haven't arrived at your end goal.
[00:08:52] [SPEAKER_00]: Pay attention to your thoughts and your language are you constantly thinking about what you haven't achieved or how far you've gone or are you grateful for the progress.
[00:09:01] [SPEAKER_00]: You are in the gap mindset if you are always thinking about how far you have to go and feeling frustrated and demoralized by it.
[00:09:09] [SPEAKER_00]: The second thing to do is to commit to measuring backward not forward.
[00:09:13] [SPEAKER_00]: You don't want to measure your success on how far you have still to go.
[00:09:17] [SPEAKER_00]: You want to measure it from how far you've come since you started reflect on your achievements on your growth on the lessons that you've learned so far.
[00:09:25] [SPEAKER_00]: This backward measurement creates that positive feedback which reinforces the game mindset.
[00:09:31] [SPEAKER_00]: The third thing to do is set realistic expectations. It's very important to set challenging goals but they've got to be attainable.
[00:09:38] [SPEAKER_00]: Unrealistic expectations can set you up for failure and push you into the gap so it's okay if you set big goals.
[00:09:43] [SPEAKER_00]: We have really big goals in this company but what we do is we break them into smaller manageable steps and we celebrate each of those milestones.
[00:09:50] [SPEAKER_00]: So whatever you're doing in your life, you've ended up if you do want to 10x your life or 10x your business.
[00:09:55] [SPEAKER_00]: That's good. You should have that big vision for yourself but don't forget to break them into small manageable chunks that you can actually achieve and feel good about achieving.
[00:10:05] [SPEAKER_00]: That you can look at and say, man, we nailed that. Look at how far we've come.
[00:10:10] [SPEAKER_00]: The fourth thing is to practice gratitude.
[00:10:11] [SPEAKER_00]: So gratitude is such an important mindset and it's incredibly important to stay in the game mindset.
[00:10:19] [SPEAKER_00]: You need to regularly reflect on those accomplishments on what you've learned on what you've experienced and practice gratitude.
[00:10:26] [SPEAKER_00]: I keep a journal every day.
[00:10:27] [SPEAKER_00]: I use a website called DabelMe where it sends me an email every day to remind me to journal and I have a process that I go through and I end each journal entry with gratitude.
[00:10:39] [SPEAKER_00]: What am I grateful for today? And I always make sure that I express gratitude for the lessons that I've learned, the mistakes that I've made and to appreciate how far I've come in working towards the goals I set out for myself, whether they're our big goals or whether it was just for my to do list for the day.
[00:10:57] [SPEAKER_00]: That gratitude really does help you focus on the positive aspects of your journey and it just makes you feel good.
[00:11:04] [SPEAKER_00]: So practice gratitude always helps you stay in the game mindset.
[00:11:08] [SPEAKER_00]: The next thing is to surround yourself with positive influences.
[00:11:12] [SPEAKER_00]: People use to round yourself with absolutely impact your mindset.
[00:11:16] [SPEAKER_00]: They say if you want to be successful, surround yourself with successful people.
[00:11:20] [SPEAKER_00]: If you want to live in the game mindset then surround yourself with people who encourage and support your growth,
[00:11:26] [SPEAKER_00]: you celebrate your achievements who encourage you to focus on your progress, who celebrate your progress with you.
[00:11:32] [SPEAKER_00]: Avoid those people who compare or criticize. They will only bring you down. They will only make you feel bad about yourself and get you into that gap mindset.
[00:11:42] [SPEAKER_00]: The next thing is to reframe challenges as opportunities.
[00:11:44] [SPEAKER_00]: When you encounter setbacks or obstacles, try to view them as opportunities for growth rather than failures because let's face it.
[00:11:51] [SPEAKER_00]: Nothing's going to go perfect. We don't know the outcome of any of our decisions and our actions and sometimes we're going to make mistakes.
[00:11:57] [SPEAKER_00]: And that's okay. That's how we learn. So when you reframe any setback as an opportunity or for learning, you stay in the game because you're focusing on what you've learned and how you're developing and how to overcome those challenges.
[00:12:11] [SPEAKER_00]: If you look at challenges and setbacks as negative like this is just keeping me from getting my goal and I'm never going to achieve it then you're living in the gap and you're going to feel frustrated.
[00:12:21] [SPEAKER_00]: You also want to celebrate those small wins. Don't wait for the big achievement to celebrate.
[00:12:24] [SPEAKER_00]: You can't really acknowledge and reward yourself for those small achievements, those small victories along the way. This practice not only helps you stay motivated but it really reinforces that game mindset because it highlights your continued progress and then finally stay present.
[00:12:39] [SPEAKER_00]: Being the present moment, the only moment that we have is a moment that we're living in right now. We cannot relive the past and we cannot predict what's going to happen in the next moment when you are in the gap it means that you are overly future focused while your goals are important and going after them is really important to you.
[00:12:57] [SPEAKER_00]: You've got to stay grounded in the present moment because it allows you to appreciate what you are doing right here and right now. And that is all that really matters is right here and right now because you do not know what tomorrow is going to bring.
[00:13:11] [SPEAKER_00]: And so I really encourage you to consider mindfulness practices such as meditation, deep breathing literally it's amazing what 3D breaths can do to help you stay present to help you stay connected in your current achievements and make you feel better.
[00:13:27] [SPEAKER_00]: So huge believer in meditation everybody in the world should be doing it we'd be a much happier better place if we all meditated so staying present really will help.
[00:13:35] [SPEAKER_00]: Alright that is my podcast for today hopefully this can be a transformative concept that can help you shift from that mindset of scarcity and dissatisfaction to one of abundance and fulfillment because let's face it that is such a much better place to live.
[00:13:53] [SPEAKER_00]: Because when you focus on your progress rather than your shortcomings it helps you cultivate a sense of gratitude and motivation and sustained success.
[00:14:02] [SPEAKER_00]: So just as a recap I want to remind you what are those things that you can do to get out of the gap and into the game first it's recognize that you have a gap mindset measure backward not forward set realistic expectations practice gratitude surround yourself with positive influences.
[00:14:20] [SPEAKER_00]: Reframed challenges as opportunities celebrate small wins and stay present remember that life is a journey and every step forward is a step worth celebrating by living in the game you empower yourself to enjoy the progress of growth because that's what we're here to do figure out a way to love that progress.
[00:14:41] [SPEAKER_00]: And now we'll help you achieve your goals with greater ease and joy and satisfaction.
[00:14:47] [SPEAKER_00]: Alright with that I will leave you for your day thank you so much for joining in if you like this podcast please subscribe to it on YouTube on your favorite podcast platform and share it it always helps with the algorithms and it gets these great tips out for other people to hopefully be able to embody and implement making their lives better.
[00:15:08] [SPEAKER_00]: It's the next week.